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On Wednesday I received an immeasurable gift of healing: Sarah Beaman Jones and Diana Zeigler-Hayden arrived at my front door from St. Louis.  Deeply loved friends, like family who I have known for more than 40 years (SBJ) and 30 years (DZH), they had come to make sure I was okay and to help me return fully to myself.  I could feel my body and my poor struggling brain relax and ease minute by minute. I could also feel bits of me, they knew even better than I did, return and settling in to my core self.

Each day we planned an event: the State Fair, a Georgia O’Keefe early works; both in a wheel chair, and finally an arts and crafts day with sculpti clay (Diana is an art teacher). Each two hours was a marathon for me, but by the end of the day I felt clear, safe and in love with life.

The three days was also a continuation of a spiritual learning I have been on for the last 4 years with my lovely husband.  Through counseling together I had learned that I am a One on the enneagram—to me that means that I have been put on earth to take care of everyone and to make sure everything is “right”.  Through the counseling I learned to value everyone else’s contribution so much more and accept that nothing is perfect but much can be celebrated in every day (even if it’s not perfect).  When Diana and Sarah arrived my psyche leapt into its habits—trying to jump up and help, apologizing when I couldn’t do enough (or do anything for that matter).  To its credit my psyche also was doing a pretty good job of letting go of the little things—nothing had to be in the “right” place or done in my way.  What fascinated me was watching my psychological habits arise, unbidden.  Seeing them for the useless (though highly talented) impulses they were.  Its also wonderful to have your life long friends praise you for letting them do things for you and letting go of perfection so much of the time.  Hey “don’t worry, be happy”.

I can see that this healing process will contain many, many lessons in letting go and slowing down.